forgive me if it is necessary that I go a little faster ... The moment a child enters for the first time in the lives of his parents is so delicate and complex that no doubt will not be able to talk about everything that happens, my attempt is rather to give a quick overview of this event, trying to touch those who in my opinion are the key points.
So where were we? Ah, yes, we were still surrounded by confusion and uncertainty of the first moments after the birth of our baby.
Only now, after maybe one or two weeks after his arrival among us, we begin to "see" better. Before, between tiredness, maybe cesarean wound pain, incessant comings and goings of friends and relatives, we did not have enough space to really make us realize that yes, this is truly our baby, and is finally here with us. Of course, in his first months of life, communication between the child and parents is still a bit "limited", based mostly on the plant as the only signal of need, hardship, etc.. This does not help matters to mom still inexperienced, the interpretation of the meaning of the baby's crying is something that the mother learns step by step, with time and being with her child, but at the matter is not quite so simple .
The cry of the child is able to create such a mother in the emotional upheaval that can sometimes be very difficult to manage. On the other hand, in this case, we see how nature has worked so well: all puppies, and even then the children, are made in every detail in order to ensure the protection of the adult. Soft, rounded features, large eyes, larger head than the rest of the body, and finally the tears, so that can disturb the heart of a mother. All "designed" to elicit tenderness in adults and a protective instinct that allows the puppy, in itself helpless and defenseless, its survival.
The cry then. Something difficult to interpret, but very useful because it is the only way that the child has to get in touch with us. The important thing to do is listen. I know it's difficult and time: the mother's first instinct would be to stop the crying, of course, but sometimes it can be valuable to pause a moment to listen "as" our baby is crying. At first all the plants look the same, a little also because my mother is still very "rusty" in his new role, and also because of the tiredness and the large (sometimes overwhelming) sense of responsibility, can not "really" a hear what your baby tries to communicate. Let us ask instead: what happened immediately before the baby started to cry? There have been signs that perhaps we have ignored? We also observe his body movements, important to understand the reason for the tears. Well, let's be listening attentively. It 's like a language unknown to us, of which First we need to learn the ABC, before putting together the complete sentences. Not only do we believe that we are having to learn: even our children are studying there, even for what they initially say or do is difficult to understand, they also observe us, our face, our expressions, tone and warmth of our voices that have long since learned to distinguish from the other, the touch of our hands on their skin ... We communicate with them through the five senses, for now their only way of knowing the world around them. For this reason it is important to always be aware of the feelings we experience when we are with our children. If we are calm and quiet, they will feel our voice, our eyes see it, feel the touch of our hands. If we are tense and / or angry, the same will happen. Imagine for a moment of not being able to explain anything that happens and you hear around you, felt the feelings, but do not know how to give them a name, you do not know if you come from you or from outside, and heard enough. This is what a baby test. Only then will succeed in giving meaning to what he feels, to distinguish between self and other by itself, to understand the intention behind the behavior of others, the beginning is pure sensation. It is therefore essential that both the mother or the parent in general, to be very careful what kind of emotions and feelings is sending his child and also to "give back" by giving them a meaning. Then we can tell our child who cries because he has sleep: "Do not worry, nothing happens, you just need to take a nap," or, if he's hungry, "Yes, baby, mama you know you're hungry, now prepares you jelly. " At first perhaps may seem unnecessary, since we believe that our baby does not "understand" what we're saying yet, but this is only partly true, because if there is no doubt that he does not understand the literal meaning of what we say, he understands However perfectly the tone of our voice and will feel reassured, because someone out there proves to him that he had heard his call and understand why.
As Bion has taught us, my mother has the task of collecting the emotions and feelings that the child expresses but that are impossible for him to play and "work" within himself to restituirgiele with meaning. So let's see how, at a careless observer, it would seem that in these early times, the communication between mother and child is limited or almost absent, while the opposite and this is the stage where you are laying the foundations for the construction of a satisfactory relationship between mother and child.
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