The new parents will realize soon how much the baby's arrival has profoundly changed their lives, from the daily routine. Everything has to be rebuilt, schedules, habits, everything. It will initially be mainly the appetite of the new arrival at the time, or so it seems the fledgling new parents. Now that my little almost seven months, I pause occasionally to think about how it would have been difficult for them, the first time, not often included in their needs ... How many times have you found the breast or bottle in the mouth when they wanted instead of anything! When still tuning between mother and child is established, it often happens that a new mother interpreters incorrectly call-ups of his small, mainly due to hunger. I wonder why we tend to forget or put in second obscure the fact that a baby may also have other needs, such as sleep or simply the desire to change position. But no, the first time, if the child cries, "surely that is hungry." I believe that this phenomenon also contributes to the now widespread practice of breastfeeding on demand. What is it? In short, this "current of thought that says you have to breastfeed your baby whenever he the" ask. " Well, although I recognize the benefit that this conduct can be made, particularly in the first delicate phase of the "calibration", in which the baby stimulates milk production so that settles on your needs, I think it is harmful if committed beyond this earliest period. The reasons are many of my thoughts. First of all, it is right that the child learns, from the first moments of his life, that its demands can not always be answered, and he has to learn to tolerate the frustration that stems from a request is not met, this ability will be very useful in the future.
Secondly, let us briefly in the shoes of the poor mother, who breast-feed on demand, is found almost always to breastfeed, with the risk of not having any time or space for themselves, and feel a real "cow". I believe it is profoundly wrong to think that the mother should devote himself exclusively to her baby and put aside any space itself. The risk of this behavior is that the new mother feels literally suffocate and therefore does not relate to her baby in a serene way.
I want very much to emphasize this point, I myself have tried it on my skin what it's like the arrival of a child is beautiful, sure, but it is also frightening to realize that his life is radically changed, the first time it seems impossible that one day we will start again to get out, watching movies, going to the hairdresser ... The days seem to slip one by one, the other an equal, perhaps without being able to sleep properly and this can really put to the test. For this reason it is important that the mother able as soon as possible to carve out spaces to rest and to "disconnect" a little bit. It can read a book, take a shower, go out and get some air on your face (it's wonderful to feel the air on your face, feel that there is still the world outside the home), any little thing can be refreshing at this time and enable us to face the adventure of motherhood with more energy.
So I think it is important to set from the first moments a procedure that takes into account both the needs of small and those of mom and dad. This topic has been enlightening for me to read the book by Tracy Hogg, "The secret language of babies", in which the author wrote, thanks to his many years of experience with babies and their parents, says the importance of creating a "program" the day of the family. A program that includes the areas devoted to food of the child, to play, sleep, and then a space dedicated to the mother herself. I must tell you that as I read this book, still immersed in the first phase of upheaval and uncertainty, I thought that this method would never work. But I decided to try. And I was a big help. I soon made many realize that was wrong with my small steps. For example, after a feed, I thought you were sleeping and then I spent a lot of time trying to sleep, poor things until I collapsed desperation! After reading this but I tried to take a moment to breastfeed longer or shorter period of activity, showing their dolls, making them jump on my lap etc.. Well, after coming sleep and fell asleep without too many ups and downs ...
And while they were asleep I started to do something for me, reading a magazine, take a nap, surf the internet ... It was already a completely different life.
'll tell my experience to make you understand that children need an organization, even in those early days very elementary. For them it is important that there is a regularity in daily routine, there are the moments dedicated to one thing and others another. So I think that breastfeeding on demand is not a good practice: first, the parents do not learn to distinguish between the different needs of their child, and second, their lives will depend on the child, without the possibility of having space for themselves, both as Individuals who, equally important, as a couple. Remember that the baby is only crying to communicate many needs: hunger, sleep, boredom, pain, fear ... Your task is to listen and observe your child and try to understand what he wants to tell you, not to plug his mouth with the pacifier or the breast at every hint of tears. In this way, in fact, you do not learn how to decipher his language and he understands that his needs are not included and will have a big confusion about his ability to communicate with you effectively. This will make him cry and create a vicious circle from which it is then very difficult to escape.
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